Some words from the Course that have been helpful to me...especially after reading Chapters 15 through 17. Perhaps they will be for you as well. I hope so.
I cannot let you leave your mind unguarded, or you will not be able to help me. (T2.7.2)
It has already been said that you believe you cannot control fear because you yourself made it, and your belief in it seems to render it out of your control. Yet any attempt to resolve the error through attempting the mastery of fear is useless. In fact, it asserts the power of fear by the very assumption that it need be mastered. The true resolution rests entirely on mastery through love. In the interim, however, the sense of conflict is inevitable, since you have placed yourself in a position where you believe in the power of what does not exist. (T2.7.4)
I have already briefly spoken about readiness, but some additional points might be helpful here. Readiness is only the prerequisite for accomplishment. The two should not be confused. As soon as a state of readiness [to choose God, Love and the Atonement] occurs, there is usually some degree of desire to accomplish, but it is by no means necessarily undivided. The state does not imply more than a potential for a change of mind. Confidence cannot develop fully until mastery has been accomplished. We have already attempted to correct the fundamental error that fear can be mastered, and have emphasized that the only real mastery is through love. Readiness is only the beginning of confidence. You may think this implies that an enormous amount of time is necessary between readiness and mastery, but let me remind you that time and space are under my control. (T2.7.7)
These are powerful lessons. Just as we tend to think of the ego as the enemy that, somehow, we need to vanquish, we think of fear as something we need to overcome. Chapter Two tells us over and over again that only by extending Love do we reach readiness to make the choice between fear and ego or God and Love.
Can it be that continuously accepting the Atonement, knowing that the slights and insults we perceive "never happened" will lead us out of the morass of blame, projecting and suffering? Can it be that focusing our minds on extending Love at every moment is the answer?
Being hyper-vigilant in watching our ego thoughts is tiring, strenuous, becomes compulsive and sometimes even annoying. Yet at the same time, I've come to think that every single one of those negative thoughts is our challenge, perhaps even set up by the Holy Spirit, to lead us down the path of Love instead of blaming, projecting and failing to love. If I pray to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to lift me to that place where I am with them, yet still harbor ego thoughts that disrupt and disturb, I am only "getting ready." That readiness is just one step on the path. So to make further progress, it seems critical to challenge every one of those ego thoughts as advised in T2.7.2 above.
You may believe that you are responsible for what you do, but not for what you think. The truth is that you are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level that you can exercise choice. What you do comes from what you think. You cannot separate yourself from the truth by "giving" autonomy to behaviour. This is controlled by me automatically as soon as you place what you think under my guidance. Whenever you are afraid, it is a sure sign that you have allowed your mind to miscreate and have not allowed me to guide it. (T2.6.2)
Father, please help me to place my thoughts -- my Mind -- under your guidance. To extend only Love at every moment. To ask for your help whenever I am faced with a decision so you may lead me toward Love in every case.
I cannot let you leave your mind unguarded, or you will not be able to help me. (T2.7.2)
It has already been said that you believe you cannot control fear because you yourself made it, and your belief in it seems to render it out of your control. Yet any attempt to resolve the error through attempting the mastery of fear is useless. In fact, it asserts the power of fear by the very assumption that it need be mastered. The true resolution rests entirely on mastery through love. In the interim, however, the sense of conflict is inevitable, since you have placed yourself in a position where you believe in the power of what does not exist. (T2.7.4)
I have already briefly spoken about readiness, but some additional points might be helpful here. Readiness is only the prerequisite for accomplishment. The two should not be confused. As soon as a state of readiness [to choose God, Love and the Atonement] occurs, there is usually some degree of desire to accomplish, but it is by no means necessarily undivided. The state does not imply more than a potential for a change of mind. Confidence cannot develop fully until mastery has been accomplished. We have already attempted to correct the fundamental error that fear can be mastered, and have emphasized that the only real mastery is through love. Readiness is only the beginning of confidence. You may think this implies that an enormous amount of time is necessary between readiness and mastery, but let me remind you that time and space are under my control. (T2.7.7)
These are powerful lessons. Just as we tend to think of the ego as the enemy that, somehow, we need to vanquish, we think of fear as something we need to overcome. Chapter Two tells us over and over again that only by extending Love do we reach readiness to make the choice between fear and ego or God and Love.
Can it be that continuously accepting the Atonement, knowing that the slights and insults we perceive "never happened" will lead us out of the morass of blame, projecting and suffering? Can it be that focusing our minds on extending Love at every moment is the answer?
Being hyper-vigilant in watching our ego thoughts is tiring, strenuous, becomes compulsive and sometimes even annoying. Yet at the same time, I've come to think that every single one of those negative thoughts is our challenge, perhaps even set up by the Holy Spirit, to lead us down the path of Love instead of blaming, projecting and failing to love. If I pray to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to lift me to that place where I am with them, yet still harbor ego thoughts that disrupt and disturb, I am only "getting ready." That readiness is just one step on the path. So to make further progress, it seems critical to challenge every one of those ego thoughts as advised in T2.7.2 above.
You may believe that you are responsible for what you do, but not for what you think. The truth is that you are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level that you can exercise choice. What you do comes from what you think. You cannot separate yourself from the truth by "giving" autonomy to behaviour. This is controlled by me automatically as soon as you place what you think under my guidance. Whenever you are afraid, it is a sure sign that you have allowed your mind to miscreate and have not allowed me to guide it. (T2.6.2)
Father, please help me to place my thoughts -- my Mind -- under your guidance. To extend only Love at every moment. To ask for your help whenever I am faced with a decision so you may lead me toward Love in every case.